When I reflect back on how much happier I am these days compared to my life
about 5 years ago, I realize it’s not all a result of better habits (though
that’s a part of it).
Here’s what I’ve changed that makes me
happier:
·
Instead of stressing
out about meeting goals, deadlines, timelines, I have learned a way of flowing.
·
Instead of getting mad
at people not meeting my expectations, I’m looser with what I expect of others.
·
Instead of getting mad
at things not turning out how I’d like, I accept that things are unpredictable,
and accept what happens.
Most of the time, that is.
In other words, I’ve developed a flexible
mind.
This is one of the best changes I’ve made,
because it gives me more peace of mind and happiness. It took some time to
develop this mental habit, and I’ll share with you here why and how I did it.
Why Develop Flexible Mind
The root cause of frustration, irritation,
anger, sadness is an inflexible mind — one that wants to hold onto the way we
wish things were, the ideas we’re comfortable with. When things don’t go this
way, we are then frustrated, angry, sad.
So developing a flexible mind is a way to be
open to anything, happy with change, prepared for any situation. Think about
it: if there’s a major disruption in your life, it’s only a bad thing because
you’re holding onto the way you wish things could be, what you’re comfortable
with. If you let go of that wish, the change isn’t bad. It’s just different,
and in fact it could be good if you embrace it and see the opportunity.
It’s about developing the ability to cope with
change, to be flexible, to simplify.
How: Small Practices
You don’t develop flexible mind overnight —
your mind isn’t as easy to change as your outfit. You have to develop mental
habits with small changes, consistently over time.
Here’s how:
1.
Make a commitment, for
one week, to try to let go of what you’re holding onto when you get irritated,
frustrated, sad, etc.
2.
Make a list of the
things that trigger these emotions — being interrupted, someone cutting you off
in traffic, someone being loud when you’re trying to work, people not washing
their dishes, etc.
3.
Create reminders for
when those triggers happen — paper notes, a bead bracelet, something written on
your hand, a sign on your car’s dashboard, etc.
4.
When the trigger
happens, pause. Notice the emotion rising. Feel it, but don’t act. Breathe.
5.
Try to see what you’re
holding onto — wishing the driver would be more polite, wishing you could do
what you were doing without interruptions, wishing other people would be
perfect in cleaning up after themselves. These wishes are fantasies — let them
go. Be open to the way things are, to changes that have happened. Breathe, open
your heart, accept.
6.
Now respond
appropriately, without wishing things were different, with compassion.
Repeat however many times you like during the
week, or a minimum of once a day.
Please note that you will not be perfect at
this when you start. It’s a difficult skill to learn, because we have emotional
patterns that have built up over the years. It’s good enough to become more
aware of it, and to attempt this method once a day. Be flexible in your desire
to get this exactly right. Practice it when you remember for the rest of the
year.
Read more about Flexible mind here
